Matthew's Reading Room

The Author

Marshall Rosenberg (1934–2015) was a psychologist, mediator, and teacher who developed the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) method. His work focused on conflict resolution, empathy, and compassionate dialogue. Through his global workshops, he helped people—from families to war-torn communities—communicate with more understanding and less hostility. Rosenberg believed that most conflicts arise from miscommunication and unmet needs, and he dedicated his life to teaching people how to express themselves without aggression. His approach to communication has influenced therapists, educators, and leaders worldwide, making his book a crucial guide for anyone looking to improve their relationships.

Summary of “Nonviolent Communication”

Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a transformative guide on communicating with empathy, honesty, and effectiveness. The book introduces a four-step framework that helps people express themselves without blame or judgment while listening to others with understanding.

The four components of NVC are:

• Observations – Clearly stating what we see or hear without evaluation.
• Feelings – Expressing our emotions instead of hiding behind vague language.
• Needs – Identifying the deeper needs behind our feelings.
• Requests – Asking for specific actions that would help meet those needs.

Rosenberg explains that many conflicts stem from how we communicate rather than the actual issues themselves. He encourages people to replace habitual patterns of criticism, defensiveness and demands with language that fosters connection and mutual respect. By using NVC, people can reduce misunderstandings, deepen relationships, and handle conflicts in a way that leaves everyone feeling heard and valued.

The book also explores the importance of self-empathy, active listening, and expressing appreciation in a way that strengthens relationships. Rosenberg provides real-life examples, exercises, and dialogues to help readers practise the NVC method personally and professionally.

At its core, Nonviolent Communication is about shifting from a culture of blame and control to cooperation and empathy.

My Thoughts on “Nonviolent Communication”

This book is one of the best communication resources without turning conversations into power struggles. Whether dealing with clients, partners, family members, or even your internal dialogue, Rosenberg’s method forces you to slow down and think about what’s happening beneath the surface.

One of the things I love about NVC is that it challenges how we usually speak. We’re often quick to judge, blame, or assume evil intent, but Rosenberg reminds us that most conflicts aren’t about “right” or “wrong” but rather about unmet needs. His breaking down communication into simple, actionable steps makes it easier to apply in real life.

That being said, using NVC takes practice. It’s easy to slip back into old habits—reacting emotionally, making demands, or assuming we know what the other person is feeling. I appreciate that the book doesn’t just preach theory; it gives practical exercises and examples that help you recognise your own communication patterns.

NVC is a game-changer for therapists, coaches, and anyone working with people. It teaches us to listen beyond words, to hear the emotions and needs behind what people say, and to respond in a way that de-escalates tension rather than adding fuel to the fire. I’ve seen firsthand how applying these principles can transform relationships, whether in a therapy session or everyday life.

The most powerful takeaway for me is the shift from demanding to requesting. We often don’t realise how forceful or controlling our words can be, even when we think we’re being “nice.” When we learn to make explicit, respectful requests instead of manipulative demands, conversations become much more productive.

I also appreciate how NVC helps with self-communication. How often do we beat ourselves up with negative self-talk? By applying empathy and understanding to our thoughts, we can break free from guilt and self-judgment, which is crucial for personal growth.

Overall, Nonviolent Communication is an eye-opener. It’s a must-read for anyone looking to improve their relationships, whether personal or professional. It’s not always easy to change how we communicate, but if we can apply a little bit of what Rosenberg teaches, we’ll see a massive difference in how we connect with others.

I Encourage Clients and Colleagues to Incorporate the Teachings from “Nonviolent Communication”

Here’s what I think coaches, therapists, and anyone in a helping profession should take away from this book:

• Listen with curiosity, not judgment. When people speak, focus on understanding their feelings and needs rather than jumping to conclusions.
• Speak in observations, not evaluations. Instead of labelling behaviour as “good” or “bad,” describe what you see without adding assumptions.
• Recognise the power of emotions. Help clients identify and express their feelings instead of suppressing or letting them explode.
• Teach people to express their needs directly. So many conflicts arise because people expect others to “just know” what they need. Clarity prevents resentment.
• Encourage requests over demands. A request allows for choice; a demand creates resistance. This slight shift makes a huge difference.
• Practise self-empathy. Before we can effectively help others, we need to assess our feelings and needs without self-judgment.
• Help clients shift from blame to responsibility. Instead of blaming others for their feelings, they can learn to take ownership of their emotions and communicate effectively.
• Use NVC to navigate challenging conversations. This framework helps people express themselves without hostility in therapy sessions or workplace conflicts.
• Promote appreciation and gratitude. Expressing genuine gratitude strengthens relationships and shifts the focus from criticism to connection.

Integrating NVC into our work can help people build healthier, more authentic relationships with themselves and others.

In Summary

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg is a must-read for anyone who wants to improve their connection with others. It teaches a simple yet powerful way to communicate with honesty and empathy, reducing conflict and deepening relationships. This book isn’t just about talking differently—it’s about changing how we think and interact, leading to more meaningful and respectful connections. Whether you’re a therapist, coach, or just someone who wants better relationships, NVC is a skill worth mastering.