I Was Over-Critical of Myself

I brutally punished myself for a significant portion of my life. No matter how hard I tried, my inner critic would always find something new to point out about how inadequate I was. This extremely critical voice impacted my entire life, affecting my sense of self-worth and self-esteem, as well as my ability to accomplish any goal I set. I felt trapped in an endless loop of negativity due to the severe self-criticism I had developed.

As a child, I had high expectations for myself, believing that nothing less than perfection would suffice. My brain and grades gave me the impression that perfection was possible. As a gifted child, I excelled in most subjects I studied. I believed I could aim for excellence and perfection because I was achieving it. Over time, my self-confidence was eroded because I was so hard on myself whenever I made a mistake or felt inadequate—beating myself up for coming second or getting 95%. This constant chatter in my head led me to believe that no matter how successful I was, I would never be good enough. My confidence was shaken, and I began to question my value and skills.

I was always focusing on what went wrong. Instead of celebrating a very successful workshop, I’d dwell on why one person rated my skills as “good” when the others rated me as “very good” or “excellent.” I was doing all the hard work without reaping the reward that should come with it.

This internal brutality had a significant effect. My creativity was stunted, I felt discouraged and exhausted, and my capacity to pursue new opportunities was diminished. My feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism became more deeply intertwined the more I engaged in this behaviour. The worst part of all this was that I was attracting, and being attracted to, people who made me feel that I was never good enough—colleagues who were critical and undervalued my efforts.

I started to comprehend the effects of my self-criticism and its roots during therapy. My therapist helped me understand that this negative self-talk was a learned behaviour, not an accurate reflection of my value or talents.

While in therapy, I began to practise self-compassion. Changing from a critical to a supportive inner voice was not easy; it required deliberate effort. I started to celebrate my small victories, no matter how insignificant they seemed. Every success, whether completing a task or just making it through a tough meeting, became an opportunity to reinforce a positive internal dialogue.

Lessons Learned

Over time, I learned how to nurture my encouraging voice while taming my critical one. With this new outlook, I could recognise my value independent of my successes and failures. I began to realise that, like everyone else, I am worthy of compassion and care.

My thoughts are much more balanced now; they are kind and honest. I feel much better about myself and my abilities now that I’ve achieved this equilibrium. The things that used to terrify me, I now see for what they are: inevitable aspects of being human. This acceptance has opened up opportunities for professional and personal growth that I never imagined.

I learned the value of cultivating a positive inner dialogue on my journey from self-criticism to self-compassion. It serves as a gentle reminder that our internal dialogue can shape our experiences and overall well-being. By training ourselves to be compassionate towards ourselves, we can free ourselves from the vicious cycle of negativity and lay the foundation for resilience and self-acceptance.

If you’re battling self-criticism, seek help and take steps toward self-compassion. Remember to be kind to yourself when you experience setbacks and celebrate any accomplishments, no matter how small. You deserve compassion and understanding, and you have the power to change your internal monologue and regain your sense of self-worth through dedication and perseverance.