Letting Go: Lessons from the Two Monks and the River

Once, two monks—an older and a younger one—travelled together. Along their journey, they came to a river with a strong current. A woman stood by the river, unable to cross alone. She asked the monks if they could help her.

Without hesitation, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, and gently set her down on the other side. However, this action shocked the younger monk. They were, after all, monks who had taken vows not to touch women. He held his tongue initially but couldn’t stop thinking about it as they continued their journey.

After several hours of silent walking, the younger monk couldn’t hold it in any longer. He exclaimed, “How could you carry that woman across the river? We are monks, and you know we’re not supposed to do that!”
The older monk turned to him and replied calmly, “I set the woman down hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?”

Lessons

The story of the two monks—where one carries a woman across a river and then lets it go while the other dwells on it—offers profound lessons on handling emotions, relationships, and personal growth. Here’s what we can take away from it, with examples relevant to our daily lives:

1. Let Go of Resentment – Imagine an ex-partner or colleague who wronged you. It’s natural to feel hurt, but holding onto that resentment only weighs you down. Just like the older monk moved on after helping the woman, we, too, can choose to let go of bitterness. Forgiving, or simply releasing, frees us from unnecessary burdens.
2. Stay Present and Focus on the Now – You may have had a colleague take credit for your ideas at work. Replaying this event distracts you and lowers productivity. The younger monk’s inability to let go reflects how dwelling on the past can cloud our peace. In reality, staying focused on the present and not revisiting past grievances keeps us grounded and helps us achieve more.
3. Know When to Move On – We often hold onto relationships or situations longer than we should, hoping things will change. The older monk did what was needed, then moved on. This teaches us the importance of recognising when to let go—whether it’s a friendship, job, or project that no longer serves us. Holding onto things that drain us prevents us from investing in what’s truly meaningful.
4. Don’t Burden Yourself with Others’ Judgements – Sometimes, we feel pressured by others’ opinions on our choices. The younger monk’s reaction concerned his judgement of the older monk’s action. In real life, being confident in our decisions without needing others’ approval is liberating. Like the older monk, making choices that align with our values and letting go of the need for constant validation is essential.
5. Embrace Compassion Even When It Doesn’t Make Sense to Others – Sometimes, others won’t understand why you act compassionately, especially if you give someone a second chance. People might question your choices, just as the younger monk questioned the older one. This story reminds us that if compassion feels right to us, it’s okay, even if others don’t understand it. Being true to our values and offering kindness are personal decisions.
6. Reflect on Why Certain Things Affect You – When something bothers you—whether it’s a misunderstanding at work or a family disagreement—take a moment to ask why. The younger monk didn’t realise why he was upset until he expressed it, allowing for a new perspective. Self-reflection can help us uncover the root of our emotions and move forward with greater insight.

The story encourages us to let go of unnecessary burdens, focus on what’s in front of us, and act with compassion and discernment. Instead of weighing us down with what doesn’t serve us, doing so makes room for peace and growth.