Rumours, Noise and Real Growth: Learning to Keep My Eyes on the Road
“Matthew is a closeted gay.”“Matthew jumps from woman to woman.”“He’s money-minded.”“I’ve heard he sees women for free if they ‘offer favours’.”“I’ve heard he’s manipulative.”“He chose sex therapy because he must be a pervert.”“All talk, no sex.”“Matthew abuses his psychology assistants—slave-driver, really.”“He’s definitely a narcissist on TV all the time.” That is merely a summary of the rumours spread about me over the years. Some of it is unintentionally funny, most is hurtful, and none is true. Yet for a long time, I treated every whisper as an emergency. I drafted clarifications, confronted gossip, and burned hours defending myself to
Ikigai vs. Workaholism: Why I’ve Given Up Perfectionism and Workaholic Tendencies
1) Facing Challenges Head-On Throughout my career, I've always faced problems head-on. Confronting challenges directly is part of who I am. However, there was a time when my dedication to work tipped into workaholism. I wasn't running away from personal issues or avoiding complex relationships; I tackled those as they came. 2) Sustainable Pace: When Perfectionism Becomes a Shield My workaholic tendencies were more a reaction to external obstacles: authorities who seemed intent on hindering my progress and colleagues who, perhaps out of envy, spread misinformation or tried to undermine my efforts. 3) The Cost of Chasing Flawlessness I
Trust and True Nature: Lessons from the Scorpion and the Dog
Once upon a time, a scorpion who could not swim wanted to cross a river. He saw a dog nearby and asked, "Will you carry me across the river on your back?" The dog was cautious. "You are a scorpion," he replied. "You would sting me if I let you on my back, and I would drown." The scorpion shot back, "Why would I sting you? If I do, we'll both sink and die. Trust me." Reluctantly, the dog accepted, and the scorpion ascended his back. Everything appeared good as they started across the river—until they reached the centre.
Escaping the Perfection Trap: How Letting Go Boosted My Success and Happiness
Escaping the Perfection Trap: How Letting Go Boosted My Success and Happiness For years, I held myself to impossibly high standards, demanding perfection from every task, relationship, and project. I had this unrelenting drive to result in success. Instead, it resulted in exhaustion, irritation, and unhappiness. As I got more focused on achieving flawless results, I realised that perfectionism was not an asset but an addictive loop that sapped my energy and that of others. My turning point came when I read Marion Woodman's Addiction to Perfection. Woodman's work provides important insights into the dark side of perfectionism, examining
Ending the Trap: How Putting Myself First Increased My Performance at Work
Task Clarity: Realising What Truly Matters For a long time, I believed working nonstop was the only path to true success. Pushing myself constantly, I sacrificed my relationships, mental health, and emotional balance to achieve my professional goals. Accomplishing a great deal, I still overlooked the people and moments that truly brought meaning. Consumed by tasks, I missed out on joy, connection, and the experiences that actually sustain life. Eventually, I learned that success means little if it comes at the expense of health. Task Clarity: Restructuring My Mornings for Meaning and Connection My mornings look completely different compared
I Was Over-Critical of Myself
Understanding Negative self-talk and Its Lasting Impact I brutally punished myself for a significant portion of my life without showing any compassion or grace. No matter how hard I worked, my inner critic always found new flaws to attack. This constant stream of negative self-talk damaged my confidence and lowered my motivation to achieve. I lost trust in my abilities and questioned my worth in every situation. The harsh internal judgment followed me everywhere, clouding both personal and professional milestones with doubt. I felt completely trapped in a relentless loop of shame, failure, and self-inflicted emotional pain. How Negative
Loneliness in Management: Overcoming and Comprehending the Silent Struggle
Isolated Leadership: Understanding the Hidden Cost of Success In today’s fast-paced business landscape, management roles often promise professional fulfilment, elevated responsibility, and social prestige. Yet, many managers silently grapple with a widespread and unspoken challenge: loneliness. Beneath the surface of authority and success, this emotional strain frequently hides in plain sight. This blog explores the unique factors that contribute to loneliness in leadership roles, examines its harmful impact on mental wellbeing and job performance, and outlines practical strategies to confront this often-overlooked issue. The Silent Struggles Behind the Role of a Manager Although loneliness can affect anyone, managers often
Blinded by Expectations: My Failure to Appreciate My Parents
Parental Neglect: Recognizing the Impact Through My Early Judgements For many years, I harshly criticised my parents and continuously highlighted their flaws and shortcomings. Often, I concentrated on everything they failed to understand or express towards me. Regularly, I focused on the actions they should have taken but never did. Consumed by the emotional damage caused by their repeated omissions, I couldn’t see beyond my pain. Disappointment lingered in how they handled things, leaving me wishing for something far better. Deep down, I genuinely wanted different behaviours, attitudes, and approaches from both my parents. Continuously, I expected more empathy,
Learning the Hard Way: Failures in my own personal sexuality and relationships
As a sex and relationship therapist, you may think I've always succeeded in my personal relationships. However, my trip has been far from ideal. I've had several relationship disasters, accepting behaviour that I should never have endured and behaving in ways that I'm embarrassed to recollect. These encounters have been both humbling and enlightening, teaching me significant lessons about relationships and sexuality. In multiple relationships, I found myself tolerating behaviour that was damaging and totally contrary to my own principles. I might save my partner by tolerating these acts or repairing our relationship. This false feeling of obligation caused
Rushed Decisions: The Downfall of Ignoring My Gut in Entrepreneurship
Entrepreneurship Gone Wrong: A Personal Introduction As an entrepreneur, I’ve had countless failures, many resulting from not following my instincts and making rushed judgements. Those missteps often came from pressure, urgency, or fear of missing out, rather than thoughtful consideration. They’ve tested my resilience, shaken my confidence, and forced me to confront uncomfortable truths about my decision-making. Yet these encounters have also shaped some of the most challenging and transformational periods of my professional career. Ignoring my gut feelings One of my most critical mistakes was not believing my gut instincts when they urged me to pause. Throughout my
